Grubby

Up the stairwell
Chip-fat grey
And London green with damp
Out on the fifth floor
Where the wind grips your jaw
And holds you in its clamp
There's a red door
Bordered by mottled glass
And inside, a lighted lamp
Pious lives here
Pious is tired but can't sleep
She twitches, wired
She lies beside a sleeping body
A girl she barely knows
She met her in the pub
And it went the way it goes
The girl's name is Rose
But Pious is lovesick for her thorn
She left her in the summer
And since then, Pious can't get warm
She's carried her, stuck in her side
Since the day that she was born
She dreamed of her and knew her shape
Long before she saw her form
Well it's 4: 18
And Pious has been staring at the blinds for hours
She tells herself it's all her fault
She doesn't love, she just devours
Can't sleep
So much to do
Trying to get closer to you
And you're so far away
Tryna get hold of what's true
And what's true isn't true when it's day
Tell me, how can I sleep?
Got so much to do
I'm trying to get closer to you
And you're so far away
All that I say and I do
Are things that you do and you say
How come I'm becoming
The one that I'm running from, hunted by?
Slurring my words in the pub, feeling nervous
And overexcited,
Arms round the waist of a girl who might make it
Alright for a night, yeah she takes me to pieces
Then I lie beside her, awake while she sleeps
And I feel much closer to you than i felt
When you were still here
Spilled beer till you reappear
I'm thinking of you
And the things you do to me
I'm thinking of you
And the things you do to me
Pain in my liver, okay, shame
So much shame, can't bear my frame
Can't bear your name, okay
Can't bear this game
Let's play new rules, old rituals
Guilt trip, heart strings snap
Want to, can't go back
Too much
Not enough
I can't get your claws out my guts
I'm thinking of you
And the things you do to me
I'm thinking of you
And the things you do to me
This is my mind, get out of it
You didn't want it
How come you're still hanging around in it?
This is my body, let go of it
You didn't want it
How come you're still fucking controlling it?
This is my night, get lost in it
This is my bridge, stop crossing it
This is my face, stop smiling
This is my space
You've been gone so long
How come I still find you hiding, fighting me?
I'm fighting my darkest parts
I'm frightened
Nightmares tighten
My hands round my own throat
'Cos you're the snake charmer and I'm the old rope
No hope, just go now, please just leave
Still in the air that I breathe
I'm stranded, arms outstretched for a body, anybody
Here's a body, but I wake up and I can't stand her
I feel so grubby
Don't want, can't stop, just love me
Breath like a cigarette stubbed in the gutter
Come close, no wait don't touch me, ugly
Pushing for a phone call, beep beep
Looking through names for the one that feels most dangerous
I can't believe you're in love again
I can't open my heart to anybody but strangers
I'm thinking of you
And the things you do to me
I'm thinking of you
And the things you do to me
I'm thinking of you
And the things you do to me
I'm thinking of you
And the things you do to me