Great Joe Bob

He was a panhandle prince
Schoolboy football king
I told him "Hi" in the halls
'Cause he could run them balls

But it was rumored down deep he was mean
He dated high tone girls
With frosty pom pom curls
But he never gave out his ring

He was the best of the best
He met the gridiron test
An there ain't nothin'
As American and clean

He was the pride of the backfield
Ah, the hero of his day
Yeah, he carried the ball for the red and blue
They won District Triple-A

And his name made all the papers
As the best they'd ever had
Yeah, so nobody understood it
When the great Joe Bob went bad

First he lost his scholarship
To Texas Tech
For drinking during training
An' breaking the coach's neck

Then he got suspended
Ah, for acting obscene
Around the cum laudy, cum laudy
Daughter of the Dean

So he took up with a waitress
Named Loose Ruby Cole
While she was a hoppin' tables
Down at the Hi D Ho

And he met her on the sly
When her daddy weren't around
Ah, but he stopped making yardage
When he started messin' 'round

He was the pride of the backfield
Ah, the hero of his day
Yeah, he carried the ball for the red and blue
They won District Triple-A

And his name made all the papers
As the best they'd ever had
Yeah, so nobody understood it
When the Great Joe Bob went bad

Yeah, it spread like a country wildfire
That something big had gone all strange
Joe Bob the greatest halfback
Was acting half deranged

He'd been seen out with this woman
Gettin' drunk and havin' fun
Yeah, he growed his hair, then give up prayer
And said, "Football days is done"

Then he and old Loose Ruby
Robbed a Pinkie's Liquor Store
And had a run in with the law
When they's runnin' out the door

And Joe Bob's fate was sealed
For the next century
Yeah, he traded in the pigskin
For the penitentiary

He was the pride of the backfield
Ah, the hero of his day
Yeah, he carried the ball for the red and blue
But [incomprehensible] carried all the way

And his name made all the papers
As the best they'd ever had
Yeah, so nobody understood it and nobody comprehended
When the great Joe Bob went bad