Golden Boy

[Intro: John Darnielle]
Hello there, Paul!
I had a take and I listened to it
And I was ready to send it and I thought:
You know? It can be done better
So here it is, then
Now I'm wearing my boots
Which always guarantees a good showing

[Verse 1: John Darnielle]
You must try to lead a good life
You must do unto others as you would have them do
So that when you die, you'll find Golden Boy peanuts
Waiting in the afterlife for you

[Chorus: John Darnielle]
There are no pan-Asian supermarkets down in hell
So you can't buy Golden Boy peanuts
There are no pan-Asian supermarkets down in hell
So you can't buy Golden Boy peanuts

[Verse 2]
If thine enemy oppresseth you
You must let him oppress you some more
So that when you go shopping in paradise
You'll find those magnificent peanuts from Singapore

With the drawing of the young Chinese farmer
The eastern sun behind him smiling at you from the shelves
If we want to spend eternity in happiness
Well we're gonna have watch ourselves

You must give to the March of Dimes
You must be on guard against wickedness at all times
And you will find that your efforts have brought you great joy
When your spirit is munching on that Golden Boy

[Chorus]
There are no pan-Asian supermarkets down in hell
So you can't buy Golden Boy peanuts there
But the streets of heaven are lined with shelves
And there's billboards of the Golden Boy everywhere

[Chorus]
There are no pan-Asian supermarkets down in hell
So you can't buy Golden Boy peanuts
There are no pan-Asian supermarkets down in hell
So you can't buy Golden Boy peanuts... GO!