Fine Romance

A fine romance with no kisses
A fine romance, my friend, this is

We should be like a couple of hot tomatoes
(To-mah-toes, dear)
But you're as cold as yesterday's mashed po-tah-toes
(Potatoes)

A fine romance you won't nestle
A fine romance you won't even wrestle
You've never mussed the crease in my blue serge pants
You never take a chance, this is a fine romance

A fine romance, my good fellow
You take romance, I'll take Jello
You're calmer than the seals in the Arctic Ocean
At least they flap their fins to express emotion

A fine romance, my dear Duchess
Two old fogies, we really need crutches

You're just as hard to land as the Ile de France
(France)
I haven't got a chance
(Chance)
This is a fine romance

A fine romance, my good woman
My strong, aged in the wood woman
You never give those orchids I send a glance

They're just like cactus plants
(Oh boy)
This is a fine romance