Disappearing Act

I'm distracted not attracted
You attach without connection
As I self serve my diffracted mind
I don't want what I need
I don't care about the scars I leave
Your name and smile a thrown out file
As soon as we break away
Only when I hate you do I really love myself

I will only let you down
I can only fail you

You won't want me then I'll want you
When you come back I won't want you
Pushed and pulled our minds will rip in two
I'm so scared of what I need I don't care
About the scars received
I live in self denial
I'm afraid of what I've got
I don't know why I hate you when you love me

My life's the lies of you and i
I've grown so hard that I deny accusations even
When they're true
My pain is all I trust I don't care
How much I bleed
Don't regret the time you met me
Don't hold the harm I did against me
I don't know why I want to hurt you
When you touch me

Why do you stick around and let me do this?
Why do you stick around for this torture?

Only when I'm with you do I want to be without
Your eyes are the windows
To the emptiness inside me