Crabs for Christmas

In a department store north of Houston,
Sat a Santa Claus on Christmas Eve.
In a minute he knows,
The front door will close,
And this tired, old Santa can pack up and leave.

But this big fella came out of nowhere,
And he sat right down on Santa's knee.
Well, that whole place stopped dead
As the big fella said,
"Dear Santa, I 'preciate you listening to me."

And he said...

"Oh, I want crabs for Christmas.
Oh, only crabs will do.
Oh, and with crabs for Christmas,
My Christmas wish'll come true."

Well that Santa, he started perspiring,
And he looked like he might be in pain.
And his face got all stiff
As he asked the man if
He would take just a moment and kindly explain.

Well, the man said, "You know, I'm from Maryland,
And them crabs is what I'm itching for.
Don't you know, Santa Dear,
With steamed crabs and a beer,
It would be like a trip back to old Baltimore."

Baltimore...

"Oh, I want crabs for Christmas.
Oh, only crabs will do.
Oh, and with crabs for Christmas,
My Christmas wish'll come true."

'Round that corner came two big policemen,
And they saw the man on Santa's lap.
Well, they reached for his throat
And his bowling league coat,
And they picked him up, losing his Oriole cap.

Santa cried, "Put him down right this instant.
Now, my boy, what you want's not so odd.
But there's no crabs 'til May,
So we'll hop in my sleigh,
And we'll fly to New England where I'll get you scrod."

"No not scrod!...

"Oh, I want crabs for Christmas.
Oh, only crabs will do.
Oh, and with crabs for Christmas,
My Christmas wish'll come true.

"O-o-o-oh, I want crabs for Christmas.
Oh, only crabs will do.
Oh, and with crabs for Christmas,
My Christmas wish'll
My Christmas wish'll
My Christmas wish'll

*Whistles*
"What's that?"
"Oh, hon, don't you know? That's my Christmas whistle!

"My Christmas wish'll come true!"