Christmas Time In California

Well, the snow ain't falling down
Nobody bundled head to feet
There's no children sledding snowball
Frickin' fighting in the street

There ain't no Christmas carolers singing
Jolly winter songs
It's just spray-tanned people
Out sunbathing in their thongs

Nobody with chestnut roasting
No snowmen being made
You can pray for some hot cocoa
All you'll get is lemonade

There ain't no snowflakes falling
'Cause it's 85 degrees
When it drops way down to 70
People think they're gonna freeze
And you're sweating half to death
As you hang lights in the palm trees

It's Christmas time in California
Put on your sunscreen
Christmas time in California
Toasty, warm and green

Take a sleigh ride to the beach
Do snow angels in the sand
'Cause it's Christmas Time in California

You decorate your lawn
With surfin' Santas made of lights
You put the fake snow on the rooftop
And scratch mosquito bites

You cruise in your convertible
Drive through the Taco Bell
The lot next door has million dollar
Christmas trees to sell
And you buy a dried-up Douglas-fir
Wnd wonder, "What the hell?"

It's Christmas time in California
Put on your sunscreen
Christmas time in California
Toasty, warm and green

Take a sleigh ride to the beach
Do snow angels in the sand
'Cause it's Christmas time in California

I don't wanna mow the lawn right now
I wanna shovel snow
I don't wanna any more damn sunshine
I want 29 below

I don't wanna wear a tank top
'Cause my snow suit can't be beat
I don't want these stupid flip flops
I want moon boots on my feet

I don't wanna go out swimming
I'd rather be on skis
I don't wanna be all toasty warm
I'd rather frickin' freeze

And if I spend another minute
On the stupid 405
I will drive my damn car off a cliff
And burn my ass alive

Maybe I should move away
But the rest of the year is pretty okay
So I'll suffer through another holiday

It's Christmas time in California
Put on your sunscreen
Christmas time in California
Toasty, warm and green

Take a sleigh ride to the beach
Do snow angels in the sand
'Cause it's Christmas time in California